I'm not OK with my "normal" birth control side effects, and that's OK

What should be an acceptable standard of living when it comes to your health?  I found myself in a situation where I had to advocate for myself to my doctor because my symptoms of concern were considered normal side effects of the method of birth control I was on.  I decided that daily vaginal bleeding and cramping for multiple months was not a side effect I was willing to live with, so got the device removed.  Shortly thereafter, the cramping and bleeding increased and I was passing clots.  I called my doctor again.  I was advised we can address it at our next appointment which was more a month away.

But here's the thing:  I didn't want these symptoms to continue and wanted them addressed sooner.  Another month of bleeding, cramping, and mood swings was not an acceptable standard of living for me.  Whether or not she was concerned about my symptoms, my quality of life was affected and it would continue to be if it wasn't addressed.

I called my PCP (in tears).  They couldn't see me and recommended I go to their after-hours clinic.  The LPN I saw agreed that 3 straight months of bleeding wasn't cool and ordered a blood panel to make sure my levels were OK.  I appreciated her compassion and willingness to listen to the fact that I felt like crap and wanted my symptoms addressed.  My blood panel was great and she explained that my hormones were out of whack.  She told me to get into my gyne before my appointment.

The following Monday, I called off work and it took me 2-and-a-half hours to get an appointment.  When I'm finally seen and explain my miserable journey to the woman I saw, she looked at me and said, "you know that is normal, right?"

I told her I didn't care and I wasn't OK living with these symptoms because they're "normal."

What the hell is that?

She prescribed me another form of birth control to get my hormones in check and told me to ignore the things I see in the media and to start taking it that day.

I was prepared to follow her advice, because I tend to follow my doctor's advice because I trust them as an expert, but the pharmacy was out of the prescription.

Here's the thing: the bleeding has stopped for 3 days.  This is the longest I've gone without bleeding in three months!  I'm still experiencing mood swings, but maybe the side effects of the birth control are finally leaving my body.

Will I be OK with the side effects of this next method of birth control?

Listen, I'm a fan of modern medicine.  I vaccinate myself and my children and appreciate that the human life span has increased exponentially due to medical research.  But this over-dependence on pharmaceuticals and being "okay" with the side effects is bull shit.  If I had to choose between daily vaginal bleeding, cramping and mood swings and death, I would choose the former.  If I had to choose between daily vaginal bleeding, cramping and mood swings and a normal life where I am free from these  symptoms and have to find another way to have sex responsibly with my husband, I am going to choose the latter.

I am 35 and discovered essential oils!

I have found myself on the essential oils bandwagon. 

Let me explain...

A few years ago, I was over a friend's apartment and I was impressed by the tranquility of her living space.  She had this weird device spitting mist into the air that smelled good.  I learned it was an essential oil diffuser.  I was impressed by her homemaking skills and didn't think much of it.

Fast forward to a few years later...

My husband's beard chafes him.  He decided to make his own beard oil when some hipster sales guy tried to sell him some for $30.  That offended my husband.  He decided to make his own beard oil, using grapeseed oil, peppermint oil, and some other ingredients I don't really pay attention to.

Shortly thereafter, I see a diffuser on sale at Aldi.  There is some tea tree oil.  I buy the diffuser and tea tree oil.  I rarely use it, but use the tea tree oil and peppermint oil to fight off mosquitos and ticks over the summer.  I think it worked.  I was not attacked by mosquitos or ticks.  Win!

My 3-year-old daughter breaks the ceramic cover off of my diffuser.  My diffuser still works, it's just ugly.  I start using it more often.  I buy lavender oil and a diffuser necklace from Michaels.  The chain on my necklace breaks that day.  The lavender oil says "caution, irritant" in bold letters a few times on the label.  I do not know this at the time, but I should buy essential oils that say "caution, irritant." These are imposter essential oils.  The lavender smells good, but it's a cautionable irritant.

.My daughter also dumps my tea tree oil all over my bed frame.  I don't mind it though, because it smells good cleaning up.  I am bummed that I am out of tea tree oil.  I throw away the bottle, not knowing that I could save and reuse them for my own mixes.  I'm not on the essential oils bandwagon yet.

I don't really think about essential oils for a while.  I go about my life.  It's stressful.  My mom has cancer and it sucks.  Chemotherapy is the worst.  She wants to research diet, exercise, and other things that can improve the quality of life.  I am an expert researcher (seriously, I teach internet research).  I decide to research alternative treatments for cancer.  Not because I think peach pits or essential oils will cure my Mom's cancer.  But because I think I can find ways to make more days better and less days suck.

In my research, I fall into this rabbit hole of all of the benefits of essential oils.  Lavender and peppermint can help with feelings of calming?  Frankincense and Myrrh have anticancer properties?  I started thinking about how I can use essential oils for my Mom.  And for myself. 

I then started research different brands because I do not want cautionable irritants (I threw that bottle away). 

I ordered 5 bottles from Plant Therapy and a starter kit from Young Living.

My Plant Therapy Oils came today:  Frankincense, Myrrh, Clary Sage, Cinnamon Bark, and Lavender roll on (not a cautionable irritant). 

My daughter and I were delighted to roll the lavender oils on our wrists, neck, hair, and feet.  She knows she is not allowed to play with the bottles without me.  I also have a high shelf they will live on.

We added the Clary Sage, Frankincense, Cinnamon Bark, and Myrrh to a diffuser.   We're sitting side by side chillaxed to the max.

Meet my 5 year-plan

I turned 35 in July.  Given some sources cite the average human lifespan to be at around 71 years old (it does vary), I am middle-aged now.  I always imagined having my s&!# together in my 30s.  And by some's standards, I do.  I have a Master's Degree, a fulfilling career, and a wonderful family.  I also have 40 extra pounds and am a little above my recommended BMI.  My house is usually trashed.  My debt sucks.  I also fight with my kids all the time. So while I recognized that I am #blessed, there is always room for improvement.  That's why I created a 5 year-plan and have dedicated the month of August to kick-starting my optimal self.  When I am 40, I will have my s&!# together.  I am going to use this blog to publicly share my triumphs and challenges.

An Open Letter to Myself at 33

Dear Me at 33,

Today is your 33rd birthday.  I know that 33 has been your "scary age" since you were a little kid.  But here you are: you made it to 33!  First of all, congratulations for making it to your scary age.  It's a privilege denied to many--so every year you grow older is another year you've been gifted life on this earth.  That's amazing!  While getting older is scary, you deserve to grow older.  And I hope you more than double your current life span!  I'd be surprised to see you triple it, but hey--99 is possible, right?

So--33, huh?  You're doing alright.  Good job on snagging that husband!  He's a rare combination of handsome, funny, smart, sensitive (but not overly sensitive), compassionate, passionate, considerate and loving.  You two have rocked this past decade--yes an ENTIRE decade and have learned how to navigate adulthood together in a way that is both responsible but doesn't always compromise both of your free spirited ways.  You didn't just get married.  You are walking this earth with the ultimate life partner! And those kids!?  At 33 you have learned to share your life and love your family unconditionally.  I'm proud of you.

33-Year-Old-Me, our kids are beautiful!  The person you've became after growing them in your body and putting their needs before your own is amazing.  And that body--we're going to have a talk about that body.

Yes, you were hot stuff in your teens and twenties.  You didn't always recognize that but you did eventually.  You're not prancing around in spaghetti straps and bikinis these days but that's OK.  Yes, you have an extra 40 pounds on you and you may get rid of it all, or some, or none but you better love that body.  That body grew our beautiful children.  You've earned those rolls, stretchmarks, those c-section scars, and those bags under your eyes.  Don't compare your looks to how you looked 10-15 years ago.  That's not an acceptable standard of beauty at 33.  Instead, find new, realistic ways to look beautiful.  You're figuring it out, I know.  But keep doing it.  I'd like to see you exercise more.  Not so you look like a super-model, but so that you have more energy for your family. And so that you can increase your chances of living longer.

33-Year-Old-Me, you've accomplished a lot.  You have a freaking Master's Degree, you're good at your job, and you're still learning new things.  I know that you will always find new ways to learn and that you'll accomplish more too.  You've become a pretty amazing woman and I'm proud of you.  33 Shouldn't scare you.  Embrace it.  Rock it.

Enjoy your life,

Me

"Mom Blog"-Worthy

I did something mom-blog-worthy today.  But before we get to that, who are these moms who blog anyway?  Where do they find the time?  And don't tell me they're stay-at-home moms, because as a part-time stay-at home mom, I can attest that they don't have it easier than working moms.

How am I a part-time stay-at-home-mom, you ask?  I'm a teacher.  So I get 3 months off with my kids a year.  And whether I am at home all the time or working full time, both scenarios have their challenges.  I always hate hearing working moms knock down stay-at-home moms and vice versa.  Where's the sisterly love? However, it's my experience that when people say negative things about others, they're usually miserable.  And as rewarding as motherhood is, it's stressful, and we can say some tmean things!

So what did I do that is mom-blog-worthy?  I was shopping at Target, and found these file holders in their cheap bins.  I impulsively bought a few, as I'm always looking for ways to organize my home.  Today, I realized these will be perfect to hold my to-go lids.  And I thought, this is something out of a mom blog!

Parenting Styles, and Labels, and Critics...oh my!

At nine-months pregnant, my main hobby has become perusing the internet.  One of my favorite activities is reading articles shared by my internet peers.  With my second child on the way, parenting articles tend to pique my interest.  But lately, they've been annoying me.

Recently, I came across an article about authoritarian-style parenting and how it's wrong.  I do not relate to this style of parenting for various reasons.  I encourage my son to ask questions, I let him choose his outfits, and I don't spank him,  But, well, my son is a little crazy.  He runs around like a Tasmanian devil every night and jumps on my back when I least expect it.  I'm sure he could use a little more discipline in his life.  At least that's what someone who sees them self as an authoritarian parent might suggest.  I didn't get very much out of reading the article.  Am I doing a "good job" because I don't fit this parenting style being criticized on the internet?

Then I came across an article about how letting a baby cry it out can be psychologically damaging.  I never let my son cry it out, so again, according to this article, I must be doing a "good job," right? But honestly, I never let my son cry it out because I simply didn't have the heart to.  I never really thought about it in any certain terms, it's just that letting him cry it out isn't really a part of my personality.  One thing I will say though, at three-years old, he doesn't fall asleep too well on his own.

Which brings up the next fun parenting topic: co-sleeping.  Yes, my son sleeps in my bed most nights.  People tend to feel strongly about this.  I have felt judged by parenting peers for letting my son share my bed.  But truth be told, he doesn't share my bed because I have strong opinions about how by sharing my bed will build a trusting relationship, he shares my bed simply out of convenience.  I work long days.  When I get home, after dinner, we tend snuggle up to a book or video (yes, I let my child watch TV, and I'm sure there's a label for that as well) and end up falling asleep together.  And the truth is, I just don't really think about it.

And that goes for a lot of these trendy parenting topics.  I don't have time to think about what type of parent I am.  I'm busy.  I work.  I want to enjoy time with my family without analyzing every decision I make as a parent and worry about whether or not I'm parenting right.

Here's the deal, my son is bathed regularly, fed, loved, socialized, and his interests are nurtured.  My job as his parent is to help him navigate his way through life in a way that works for him, but to teach him  how to do it in a way that works for me.  So, maybe sometimes I am doing a "good job," according to various internet articles.  Maybe other times I could be doing better, according to other various internet articles.

The only critics that really matter are my son and my husband.  We're the ones in this particular family and we know what works best for us.

How to give yourself a pedicure while 9 months pregnant with a 3 year old in the room

Step 1:  Fill a large pitcher with warm water from the faucet.

Step 2:  Pour the warm water in your at-home pedicure spa/foot bath and turn it on

Step 3:  Sit down and put  your feet in.  Enjoy this only for a moment.

Step 4:  Your 3 year old notices what you're doing.  Stop enjoying the moment.

Step 5:  Watch your three-year-old pull his nasty upholstered Thomas chair you purposefully keep hidden in the closet because it's so grossly stained but you can't throw it away because he love it.  Watch him drag the chair to where you're giving your foot bath.

Step 6:  Momentarily share your foot bath with your 3-year-old.

Step 7: Take a picture because it's funny.  Don't post the picture because your feet and ankles look puffy and gross.

Step 8.  Eventually given in and give your three-year-old the entire foot bath.

Step 9: Take another picture because it's funny.  Don't post it because 1) the chair is so nasty and 2) he's in his underpants.

Step 10: Get the foot bath back from three-year-old, but the water is cold.  Turn it off.  Listen to him complain that he wasn't done.

Step 11:  Rub coconut oil on your swollen dry feet.

Step 12:  Cringe as the dog appears out of nowhere to lick the coconut oil off your feet.

Step 13:  Pull your mani-pedi bin from your closet.

Step 14:  Watch your three-year-old grab a handful of cotton balls and run out of the room.  Decide to ignore it.

Step 15:  Look for the nail file.  Give up after a few minutes and settle for toenail clippers.

Step 16:  Come to two realizations:  1) how am I going to reach my toenails and 2) this will be a really funny blog post.

Step 17:  Start blogging to avoid the issue of reaching your feet.

Step 18:  Decide to try to reach your toenails because there's nothing more to blog about.

...

Step 19:  Clip your toenails slightly shorter than you wanted but feel proud of the feat.

Step 20:  Maneuver over your watermelon-sized baby bump and semi-successfully paint 9 out of 10 toenails rather quickly while your cat decides it's time to snuggle.

Step 21: Stop to take a breath and find a way to get that 10th toenail.  Decide that the only way you can feasibly reach it is by using your non-dominant hand.  Success.

Step 22:  Admire your work.  Note that you definitely got a lot of polish on your actual toes, but feel successful anyway,

Step 23:  Allow toes to dry.  Decide on whether to let your three-year-old paint a coat of glitter polish over your toenails.  You probably will.